And how I reversed the symptoms.
For a long time, I showcased strong faith, great determination and proper disposition for hard work. I had big dreams, talent and a tremendous capability to learn that coupled with tiresome enthusiasm. A smile to brighten anyone’s day and a bubbly personality to suit nearly every type of person I met.
That was me. Aren’t those the perfect ingredients to ensure a meaningful life with success at every corner? Well, no. Not when one is terrified of bending around those corners.
Dr Susanne Babbel MFT, States that
“People who have experienced trauma may associate the excitement of success with the same physiological reactions as trauma. They avoid subjecting themselves to excitement-inducing circumstances, which causes them to be almost phobic about success.”
However, trauma is not always the reason why we might be afraid of Thriving. Our perceptions of the world. Our upbringing and the influences in our lives can be determining factors too. Sometimes the reasons are darker.
These signs taught me that I was afraid of thriving:
I always thoroughly analysed all that would go wrong once I succeeded…
and I created backup plans in my mind to remedy the catastrophic situations that would follow my success. I had ready made scripts for what I would say to the people involved in the chaos and I acted out the misfortunes in my mind.
When I learnt that thoughts become things, I made a conscious effort not to tell myself unnecessary negative stories about all that could go wrong.
I felt isolated from my family and friends
In the past, many times, when I contemplated my dreams I felt isolated from my family and friends. I thought since they didn’t have ambitions as big as mine, they would end up hating me when I achieved my dreams.
Remembering that the people in my life are here because we exchange a mutual and genuine love and respect. We are fond of each other.
I felt undeserving
And that my success would go as fast as it came because I didn’t deserve it. In fact I strongly believed my success would vanish even faster than it came.
To be happy beyond our wildest dreams is what we came here to do. We cannot get it wrong. As long as we are happy, living and loving, we are on the right path. We didn’t come here to suffer and then die.
Being happy is as much our choice as it is our responsibility and as it is our birthright.
I refrained from putting my hopes up…
… in case nothing happened. Dreaming very high and full but not daring to genuinely believe in it too much because I didn’t deserve it so surely I shouldn’t be excited about getting it. This attitude felt safe and super proper. Just a little bit excitement, might have been allowed, but not too much.
If I’m not going all the way into whatever I do with all my heart, hope, creating power and faith then I might as well stay home. What would be the point of dreaming if I wasn’t believing?
I felt I owed myself to people
I had the feeling that I owe the world explanations for why I choose to do this or that. Justifications for the path I take. I thought I owed my time, my work, my effort to the people “watching”. I felt compelled to be pleasing in as many ways and to as many people as possible. I felt that people expected me to conform to the norm, to a certain degree, and I always felt compelled to comply, so when I didn’t conform to the norm, which I never did, I felt guilty.
I owe nothing to no one. I’m here on this planet for me. My spiritual growth. My soul’s journey, full stop. Selfish? Pretentious? Nope. If I were to say that I decided to come to this Earth because God so desperately needed me to take care of all your needs, hopes, desires and dreams and help you out in your career, and be how everyone expected me to be for their benefit; that would be pretentious. I can only help me in this life.
If you are listening to me (reading me) and you are touched, moved, transformed, that is you helping you, not me.
But ‘m happy to be your chosen channel for inspiration for manifesting your dreams .
And of course, I want to touch the hearts, souls and minds of all people, with as much inspiration and bliss as I can share. And of course, God entrusted me with the lives of my children for a short time. But that’s about all.
I can’t live as if I owe my life to others. My life is mine. The only human being I’m responsible for making happy is me.
I owe nothing to no one.
I worked without being intentional
For years and years, I created elaborate plans. I worked hard. I produced excellent work. I slaved away on my path to success. I choose my steps carefully to make sure I wasn’t compromising my dreams. I did what I wanted. It sounds great, right? The only problem is that I was doing all that work without a clear and focused intention in my heart. I was consistently doing what “is next on the list” on the journey to success but nearly always forgetting the “success part” in the equation. I didn’t dare think of it much. Sometimes, I didn’t even consider it.
It’s essential to enjoy the journey. But we should also keep our eyes on the prize. The more I focus on my “Why” for everything I do. The more I love my life and everything I do.
Now I understand that there is nothing more delicious than the constant divine dance in the feeling and experiencing the blissful emotions in the making of your dreams.
The vision of our desires must be a clear vivid picture that accentuates our joy at any given moment. A picture that you can see in the colours of music. You can sense with the beating of your heart. You can feel it in the rhythm of your soul when you dance. You can hear it as an everlasting whisper of love in the crowd of humanity at the party.
That’s the fan part and the whole point of MANIFESTING dance! The “work” is only a tiny part of it.
Dance with intention. Your Dreams Await.
I expected the worst outcome
Whenever I moved forward in that direction of my dreams, I was optimistic for a very short time in comparison with the length of time I was pessimistic about my move and how quickly I let the excitement of my achievements die out.
“Thoughts turn to Things” “Feelings bring About Matching Experiences” This makes me snap out of it.
Feel your Dream like it’s real. Because it is. It exists the moment you conceive it with desire.
I never felt I was good enough.
Not pretty enough. Not thin enough. Not Knowledgeable enough. Not Professional enough. Not hard-working enough. Not genius enough. Not enough period. But that was fine with me as I was working on it. As long as I was working on it, I didn’t need to be successful just yet, which worked out fine for my fear of Thriving.
“I am unique” Perfect by definition.
As I look back, I realise that none of these were the core reasons for my fear of Thriving. These were not the cause. They were the effect.
The core reason was that my belief in me and in my dreams was superficial. It was an intellectual believe. The belief didn’t fully reach my heart, my heart was sheltered. Very well sheltered to avoid breakage.
But now that my Dreams and Desires are a part of my soul’s DNA so they have always been with me. They are who I am as much as every thing else that makes me.
My dreams are an intrinsic part in the blueprint of my path.
My soul, my higher self has always ahead of me, calling me to what I came here to be.
Before I didn’t treasure my uniqueness. I didn’t trust my Authenticity. I tried too much to be what I was “supposed to be” What’s that? By the way. I don’t know.
I know that my Uniqueness is all that makes me who I am.
We are One Consciousness.
Authenticity is the only path to true and pure fulfiment.